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May 04 2017

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May the Fourth be with you!

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that’s not just…. a pattern? … 😰

It’s based off of a real type of frog that’s transparent! 

#that’s dope but like what the fucking shit

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*nearby lesbian laughter*

*muffled asexual snickering*

*conflicted pansexual noises*

*moderately panicked bisexual muttering*


Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control.

Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.

Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.

Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people.

*asexual snickering increases in volume*

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Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

I read an anecdote from someone whose African Grey didn’t particularly get along with her Amazon parrot, Paco. One night she was preparing cornish hens for dinner, while the grey hung out with her in the kitchen. He got a closer look at one of the hens, looked his mama dead in the eyes and asked, “Paco?” Then he laughed.

that is one sadistic bird 

I am slightly afraid now.

I love birds?

African Grey Parrots are one of the smartest birds, and seems they can be known to play “jokes” or “pranks” on their owners or any visitors.

I was visiting a friend of the family one time and I was just casually watching tv when I thought I heard the water running. I go into the kitchen but everything’s fine. the parrot looks at me and says “gotcha”.

Parrots are awesome.

I have an African Grey named Loki and he lives up to his name.

He likes to scream and mimic the sounds of things falling off the shelf and when we run into the room to see what’s happening he says “The cat did it! Bad Sammy!” and laughs.

Whenever he gets mad at me he flies away from me, but since he can’t fly very well, he always crash lands. And the first thing he says when I go to pick him up, without fail, is always “You need to vacuum,” in a very bitter grumble. 

Loki likes to call our cat to him. He’ll sit there for minutes saying “here kitty kitty kitty.” The cat will come, walk up to the bird, get bit and then Loki will laugh as the cat screams and runs away. This goes on for hours. 

If it’s late at night and he’s tired, but I’m still up with the lights on, he’ll say “Loki go night night.” It’s starts of in a normal tone and then gets louder and louder until he’s screaming “LOKI GO NIGHT NIGHT!” 

If he sees my dad fall asleep, he screams like a little girl to scare my dad awake. And then laughs. He’s kind of perfected that evil laugh.

But the best one was when I brought home the man who has since become my ex for the first time, Loki looked him dead in the eyes and said “I’m going to bite you.” My parrot was the first one to see what a bad person my ex. He was smarter than us all. 

Parrots are people.


African Greys are like the greatest animal on the planet

When I was a kid, we had a rescued african grey called Dodi, and once I was arguing with my mum about my bed time, and the parrot (who had some very foul mouthed previous owners) just shouted at me “for fuck sake go to bed!”

also whenever we hoovered he’d call us “yoooou dusty cunts”

best thing was he had a scottish accent

Reblogging for Scottish swearing parrot

I almost died choked with a piece of cake because of the last one.






More vampires who 300 years later can’t remember what was the truth and what was the lie they told to get out of trouble.

More vampires who are like, “I don’t know, man, I spent most of that decade in an opium den.”

More vampires who weren’t paying attention because they didn’t think it would be important.

More vampires who don’t know because there was lot of conflicting gossip and they don’t want to point any fingers.

More vampires who are just bad at dates. “Back in 1620, or was it 1645, wait, what year is it now?”

More vampires who were on a totally different continent when it happened, so get off their back and stop asking them questions already.

YES to all of this but also consider: vampires who only remember the most trivial stuff.

“Oh yeah, the only thing I remember about the American Revolution was this nice candlemaker I met sometime, and she was wearing this really cute red shawl…”

“Uhhh I don’t remember much about the fall of Rome but there was this one fucking cobblestone right outside the coliseum…”

Also consider: vampires who realize three or four hundred years after the fact that they knew someone famous.

Just sits up in bed one night screaming “THAT WAS GEORGE GODDAMN WASHINGTON”


idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said

“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”

And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,

but this man.

He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.

And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.

He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.

Who the fuck was that guy.




my brain is fired 

i mean fried

yknow what my brain is fired too. collect your things, i’ve had it with ur shit

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Reposted byvronk vronk
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May 01 2017


concept: my home is filled with sunshine, always, and the sound of wind chimes in the morning. the doors are always open and it smells like sea. i am never lonely. this is my place.

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i’m asexual and tired. reblog if you are also asexual and tired. 


pro-tip for my younger followers: adulthood is cleaning your bedroom because the electrician is coming and you don’t want them to know how you live

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Mark Hamill is the sweetest fucking human in the world. 💜💙❤💚💛

I love that he’s throwing shade at John, too. 

Dad Skywalker feeling neglected.

April 27 2017

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She’s beauty 

she’s grace

she’s s a v a g e

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